Reflection : Identify and build strengths in ourselves first not our child(ren)

To develop what is optimal in life, we need to not just eliminate the negative but to identify and build strengths.

Are you a good father or mother?

Dedicating more time to the ones you love can feel like you’re compromising the work you’re passionate about like for instance managing your own business. It's always a struggle for most parents, especially those who are more career-minded. It will naturally be on your mind 24/7. But while striking the right balance might not be easy, however it is possible.

It depends on how one defines 'good'. Everyone has 24h a day. If your work take you away from your family for a good 14 or 16h, then the quality time spent together with your family, especially the young ones is very precious. This may not be the case for daily interaction, so weekends are precious too.

If weekends are away to meet clients or work, then phone calls are important. The young ones needs positive role models and motivation, someone who can play and have fun with, and at the same time, be there for them physically when they grow, fall and learn or receive their prize.

There are some intrinsic morals and values which we may like to teach our children such as positive mindset, compassion, honesty and filial piety. And to accept failure. Just like how my 3yo came home from Childcare one day saying, 'Good failure'. I honestly like it, and once awhile, will use it when the time comes. Or what my friend call a 'Happy problem'.

Every parent yearns to be the best father/mother they want to be, and at same time have a great career. Find your balance. Life is all about Yin and Yang. It has its Ups and Downs. When you at the deepest bottom, you know that Lady Luck is on the way as you'll be going up soon. I'm still learning. Good luck!

Do you feel loved?

When was the last time you feel you’re loved? Was it last month? Last week? Yesterday?
Well, if you stay on your own, and only get to meet your parents once in a blue moon, you’d probably feel the same way as I do.

My mother came to visit recently and after she left, she left many acts of love in the house during her brief stay while I was out for a quick massage. She managed to make black fungus drink for me before I hurried out of the house.

The clothes were washed and hung (the way she hang is different from mine), dried ones are taken down from the hangers and folded neatly (the way she hang and kept the hangers are also different from mine), the piles of folded clothes on the bed are re-folded neatly, the pot and bowl (used for making black fungus drink) are washed..

Never mind all the differences, the fact is, no matter how old she is, one must be truthful and honest to say, a mother’s love for a daughter is never the same as compared to a daughter-in-law. If not, she must be a true gem.

A Happy Day..

Yesterday before bed, dragged own body to change into pyjamas and wash up..crawling in slowing after taking off sandals (mounted the baby stroller almost dropping down as knees gave way due to fatigue at almost 11pm).

(Inside the bedroom with Father while Mother is outside busy)
Child: 爸爸，我今天很开心。Papa, I'm very happy today.
Father: （也许笑着点头 probably smiling at the child）。。。

Child: （重复地说）爸爸，我今天很开心。Papa, I'm very happy today.
Father: ...（听不清楚了 the rest of the conversation is too soft to be heard..）

Indeed, it was an enjoyable day, with well behaved child and good manners, greeting Uncles and Aunties on own, no crying and throwing tantrums when it's time to pack and keep toys, and asked for permission to play toys before doing so..

Any Rewards? Well, a well mannered child shouldn't be rewarded with material items for doing what's he/she is supposed to do. A smile, a nod, and a Thumbs Up is sufficient for a sensible child..

30th week of Pregnancy #2

20nov-26nov

Wed
Hubby made dinner and liked it when Marmy suggested to use own creativity instead of list of what to do. TK reached home around 740p and fell asleep on the bus without taking any bread. TK must have slept little during the day nap at Childcare. Lots of food in fridge for snack/supper: muffins, kueh, Agar Agar, fruits..

Thur
Hubby forgot to bring earpiece and watch to work. Wanted to have vegetarian Western food for supper again. Made some longbeans again for dinner which was bought at offer price. Grandma called and chatted with TK. Grandma going for physiotherapy appointment tomorrow. Helpful? TK took supper before going to bed.

Fri
Hubby came after us to send us to the bus-stop after we left home in the morning. Next gynae appointment is next Fri. Met Kiddy Palace Manager on bus with another colleague. Office is near TK Childcare. TK cried for Marmy to carry at Childcare. Went in with Teacher L (long hair) and saw Teacher L (short hair) and still said 'wo yao ma ma' 我要妈妈. Went to buy lunch and some muffins at nearby factory canteen to treat the Coffee shop Zi Char Aunt F who's ending business end of the month. She had been very kind to TK, giving TK old storybooks, toys, rice cakes, 9-layered kueh etc. The factory nearby which was on fire on Monday still not in operation yet and TK still talked about it whenever we passed by on the bus. TK wet the bed again in Childcare. There were some slippers which come in a few colours beside the baggage shelf, but majority seem to be of the same size. Even those in PG class less than 36m old wearing smaller ones are a size too big. TK wanted to go to the washroom and Mummy heard TK telling Teacher C when she stepped into Childcare. TK wore the slippers and walked carefully. Later TK told Marmy when we left at dismisssal that Teacher pressed his head down 3 times. Marmy asked why and when did Teacher do that and TK replied Teacher told him to walk faster. TK explained further 'zou man dian bu ran xie zi hui diao ma' 慢慢走 不然 鞋子会掉吗 (Walk slowly or else the big size slippers will come off). Marmy agrees absolutely. Fetched TK to Granddad's for dinner. TK cried when Marmy warned not to pour the water in bathtub out as it's wasteful, and screamed when it's time to stop playing with bath water. Grannies pacified TK. Packed some food for Hubby as supper. TK tired and rubbed eyes when reaching home on MRT but still wanted to bathe Papa at 10plus. Such a mature and filial child.

Does your child(ren) have a daily schedule? Better to schedule or not to schedule?

Are you having the same dilemma too? Have you seriously been considering putting you family on a daily schedule to help organize some of the chaos in your lives? You'd like to find out if there's anyone out there who is currently utlilizing a schedule in their homes. If so, what are the benefits? What are the downfalls? Here are some points to consider when setting up your schedule:

In my experiences, having a schedule is the best thing. Awesome.
Set up a schedule to have in mind, but then go with the flow, and don't stress up too much to stick at the schedule will only do more harm than good.
Bedtimes and wake up times change a little when there is no school. But otherwise the schedule is pretty set. Be flexible.
Recommended to schedule for meal times, nap times and bed times.

For example, on a typical weekday:
Wake up 8-8.05am.
Nap 1-1.30pm.
Tea break 3.30-3.45pm.
Dinner 7-7.45pm.
Supper 8.45-9.30pm.
Bed 9-9.45pm.

Alternatively, consider to put your children on loose schedules.
Eat and nap at approximately the same time each day.
When they need to nap is based on how long they slept the previous night and when they wake up the following morning.
Nevermind if you are the dreaded playdate with the strict window of time because your lives may fall apart if you don't function this way. Ours fall on Sundays late evening.

We have daily routines. Previously when I had to report for work in the mornings, there are expectations of getting up, eating and leaving the house by a certain time. And believe me, if the child(ren) slept late the night before, they will have a difficulty time waking in time. There'll bound to be some struggle and it's a challenge to leave home in time. If we have activities after work, those influence our evening routine. On weekends or no-school days, we try to follow the feeding and nap schedule of daycare, but everything else is go with the flow.

自己来 自己来 Let me do it...myself / for you..

母亲正要拉开储藏室(没关紧) 的门。 
孩子：(讲出自己的名字XX) 来！

母亲动作太快了，把门拉开了，结果孩子上前把门关了再拉开。母亲刚进去正要把婴儿拖车搬出来，放在大门外。
孩子：(开始慢慢地关门，淘气地问) 你要一个人在(储藏室) 里吗？ 
母亲：(快速地把婴儿拖车搬出来，笑着回答)不要。谢谢你, 宝贝。妈妈要拿鞋子了。
孩子：(立刻向鞋厨走过去，边走边说道) XX来！

孩子把门打开，从鞋厨里拿出母亲的鞋子，再拿自己的鞋,然后把门关上。
母亲：谢谢宝贝。妈妈帮你穿鞋袜吧。
孩子：XX 来！

母亲：好，你长大了，会自己穿。真好！ 
孩子：(挣扎着，好不容易成功穿好一只袜子) 我不(会)费。
母亲：哇！宝贝穿好了右边的。来，妈妈帮你。
孩子：(穿好鞋袜拒绝母亲扶他起来，说道) XX 来！

准备好一切孩子上学所需要的东西后，孩子不要坐在婴儿拖车里，选择帮忙拖车到电梯里。
母亲：(到了电梯厅)宝贝，按电梯吧。
孩子：XX 来！
母亲：过来，电梯A要来了。
孩子：哦！

孩子：(进了电梯后)我要上车。
母亲：好的宝贝，谢谢提醒。